Weather is the new Politics

Talking about the weather these days should be great. It can rain, sleet, hail, freeze, burn, hurricane, tsunami, mudslide, brush fire, and avalanche 365 days a year. The possibilities are endless. But have you tried talking to someone lately about the weather? It used to be the one universal way to start a conversation or share common ground with a complete stranger. Now it’s at the capacity of drawing a line in the sand and standing a post.

Depending on who you talk to it can go one of two terrible ways. The first can result in death, the other, wishing you were dead. Between Katrina, Sandy, the California fires, and whatever happens to people in the Midwest, someone either knows a person who lost everything or lost everything themselves. It’s a sore subject these days and even the slightest mention of a nearby storm cloud could mean sudden death. Now if you can bypass the doomsayers, you’ll soon find the next person.

I’m not sure when knowledge of the weather became a status symbol. I know status symbols started young with who had the nicest toys to nicest bike, sneakers, car, better college, job and then somewhere between what country you adopted your child from to the most underground restaurant you ate at, fell acute attention to weather patterns. We now found away to argue over one of the last universal truths. It’s not snowing anymore, it’s a blizzard. It’s not sleet, but freezing rain. And who the hell even wants to venture as to what a “wintery mix” means anymore? I recently had the following conversation.

“Hey Bob, you hear about this storm on Saturday?” I said.

With a stern look of disappointment and bewilderment he said, “Friday. Friday night. Starting at 12PM, be done by 4AM. Four, four and a half inches. Where do you get your weather from?

“Um, the news,” I said puzzled and apologetic, “where do you get your news from?”

“Psh, not them,” he mentioned.

It was obvious my weather source was sub-par to the team of experts this man speaks to daily. I’m mostly amazed by the conviction people have for the weather and their sources. In any great debate you’re only as accurate as the information you obtain and the weather is no different. CBS outranks NBC, ABC outranks both of them, Weather Channel sits in a weird lame-duck position, no one watches FOX, and everyone has a better weather app on their phone than the next person. It’s not enough to deface people who will one day run this country, but we’re now tearing down the likes of Al Roker, Bill Evans and a man they call, Mr. G. We are now in the age of partisan weather.

 So before you start talking Snowpocalypse 2013, I suggest you choose a party, believe their positions on Hot/Cold fronts, and weather the storm. 


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