5 Types of Coffee Drinkers

The Slow Sipper

These patrons can be heard by their long, loud slurps. You can find them in the middle of large crowds so they can annoy as many people as possible. They look as though they are trying to suck the coffee right through the lid. Apparently these people have not upgraded to drinking glasses. They drink everything the same way. They carry their coffee lids to bars so they can continue to harass you after the work day is over.

The Deep Breather

These people exert all their energy taking a sip of coffee so that when they’re done they have to inhale deeply. After they come up for air they go back down into the cup for another. This type of cardiovascular activity promotes weight loss at the discomfort of all those around them. They burn more calories than most of us can hope for at the gym. Just another reason to want to smack these people upside the head.

The Sip-Stop-Sip

These coffee drinkers are in constant motion. Up with the cup, sip, back down, and up again, sip. Watching them is much like watching a tennis match or race. After a while you wonder when they will ever stop. They won’t. They take just enough coffee in to make them want more. You never know how much is left. You never know how much you can stand. Just up, sip, down, up, sip and continue. On and on throughout your whole ride until your ready to snap.

The Blow then Sip

These individuals definitely did not forget to read the ‘Caution This Beverage Is HOT’ label. In fact to them the warning is in effect forever. Coffee never cools for them. They blow into the extremely small hole in the lid thinking it will cool the beverage just enough to take a sip. They will continue to do this forever. Never ceasing to cool the world’s warm beverages. They stop at nothing to get the temperature perfect. Blow then sip, always fearful…to get burned.

The Moaner

These wonderful joys of life make you question where you even are. To them coffee is the ultimate erotic stimulant. Their deep passionate sips are finished off by a loud moan. Their heads are flung up from the cup and their hair thrown back. The look of pure ecstasy on their faces. You look down at your coffee and ask it why it’s holding back from you. Yes the moaner makes you feel uncomfortable, uneasy, and unsatisfied. May we all be that lucky one day.


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