5 Answers You Never Give Your Girlfriend

1. I thought…

Never say you thought something…anything. This automatically means you assumed. This is bad. Our job is to know, no matter what it is. Granted we know nothing most the time and struggle just to keep up. Never let them know you have no idea what’s going on. Your must dig down deep inside somewhere and come up with something. This is the point where instincts must take over. Make a decision and stick by it, rather than wondering what you’re supposed to do. Any action is better than nothing. Remember she is most likely going to get mad no matter what, but at least you will have something to stand on.

Her Reaction: Complete distraught and disappointment in the fact you don’t know her well enough. She will bombard you with sentiments such as whether or not it’s a good idea that you’re both together. Ranting of some sort will follow. Usually bringing up every wrong or indecisive decision you have ever made.

Remember: Full disclosure. Admit you are wrong. Admit you were wrong in previous times, but reiterate that you are trying. They like to see effort, even it is wrong. It shows you are making a real attempt and working on the relationship. Stay confident that you will get it one day. Just not today, or tomorrow rather. Actually, probably not for a while. BUT NEVER STOP TRYING.

2. Nothing

Never lead with a negative. This again is bad. Even if your sitting in your room starring at the ceiling wondering what color paint that is. A woman does not want to hear you’re doing nothing with yourself. She will automatically envision you laughing at the comic section of the newspaper on your mother’s couch when you’re 35. In fact, delete nothing from your vocabulary.

Usually when she raises a question that could condone a “nothing” she is giving you a hint that you are supposed to be doing something. Therefore get dressed and run out of the house at top speed. You won’t know where your going or what your going to do, but you will at least be able to answer back with something other than “nothing”. What follows here is up to you, but choose wisely. You are being judged.

Her Reaction: A proposal of something you should be doing, what you’re not doing, and/or what you could be doing. She will then tell you that she knows what you are doing. She will pry to see if you are doing something you shouldn’t. Hopefully you’re not because she will immediately know based on the pitch of your voice.

Remember: Stay confident. Make whatever it is you are doing seem like it’s REAL important. Even is she doesn’t understand, which she won’t, it is your turn to sell her on it. It is vital to make sure you have added her to the equation and you have her in mind. Simply saying, “I’m sitting here thinking about you,” will do in most cases.

3. I didn’t think…

Never admit defeat at first. You know you’re in the wrong, she really knows your in the wrong. However saying you didn’t think will enter you into an entirely new world of shit. A world you want no part of. Never rise suspicion that you did not think about her, something related to her, something related to something or someone she knows, or that you just didn’t think period. If nothing refer to numbers 1 and 2. At least in these cases you made a conscious decision to conduct some type of action, even if that action is nothing.

I know this is where things get complicated, but try to focus. Practice by telling yourself you are always thinking, always doing. Whether it’s physical or mental, you are at least preparing a defense of some sort. Therefore something, anything is better.

Her Reaction:
Repeating the words “You didn’t think”, with greater emphasis each time. She will move around the room at a faster than usual pace, still repeating the words. A look of disgust usually coupled with a once over glance as to signal that you’re a failure.

Remember: Do not say anything. She will expect a response, but you know better. Fight the silence, she will explain further. Only until you have all details and you feel confident with an answer, should you then speak.

4. Well my ex….

For this purpose you can also substitute, “well my mother…” Because to her the two terms are synonomous.

Why in god’s name you would even lead with this is beyond me, but it is a common mistake. In times of conflict we often immediately revert to a familiar reference. Sort of like a diversion to buy us time to come up with something better. However in doing so you ruined all rebuttals. I don’t know why you need to hear this, but no woman wants to hear about your ex or your mother for that matter. You must realized that when you signed up, you killed every female you have ever known. They are gone. Forget about them.

Her reaction:
A sudden flailing of the arm(s). An immediate about face position change where her back is facing you. Then, a raise of one arm in the position such as signaling for a right turn. Followed by silence. 

Remember: do not try to get back in front of her (unless your armed)

5. OK (sometimes translated as k) or FINE
We all know the effects of this. Women and men alike know that these words signal the end of all things. Whether it’s meant honestly or condescending, doesn’t matter. To utter these words to your significant other is a destroyer of worlds. The subtle expression casts a black cloud over the whole situation. In fact, work on deleting them from your entire vocabulary. Put them in the same waste pile as nothing, your ex’s and yes, your mother too.

Her reaction: You will begin to see the skin in the facial region get red. Her breathing will get heavy. She will almost seem as though she is about to have an asthma attack or choke. But what she is doing is brewing up a loud noise which she will ultimately unleash upon you. In most cases she will yell the same word back at you, with repetition. Followed by what can only be explained as some type of exorcism gone wrong.

Remember: she is not asking you to repeat. If you haven’t already, Run…very fast.

Further notes

  • Maintain communication…even if it’s distant and seems like it’s going no where.
  • Never leave the scene…unless the cops are being called
  • End every argument with a sentimental comment you both are comfortable with

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